Michelle Reynolds Podiatrist, Marple

Author Topic: Well I think it's funny  (Read 5819 times)

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gazwhite

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2012, 08:01:29 AM »
Our Richard is about 7 foot tall Alan - I'll take the bet up with you on his behalf.... :-)



I went to the Whites the Butcher the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
'No, the steaks are too high

Boom Boom


Tommy Cooper

alan@marple

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #18 on: March 01, 2012, 05:30:27 PM »
More Tommy Cooper
    
  1 .  Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd  think at least one of them would have seen  it.

2.  Phone answering machine message - '...If you want  to buy marijuana, press the hash  key...'

3.  A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only  Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I  can clearly see you're  nuts.'

4.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other  day but I couldn't find any.

5.  I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him  50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the  top shelf. He said,
'No, the steaks are too  high.'

6.  My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong  currant pulled him in.

7 .  A man came round in hospital after a serious  accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't  feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you  can't, I've cut your arms  off'.

8.  I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a  muscle.

9. Two  Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit  a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for  all that you can't have your kayak and heat  it.

10. Our  ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his  van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police  say that he topped himself.

11.  Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing  out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some  cream to put on it.'

12.  'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass  of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.  '
'Is it common?'
'It's not  unusual.'

13. A  man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is  cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for  him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look  at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his  eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says,  'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What?  Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's  really heavy'

14. Guy goes into the  doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up  my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Don't you  start.'

15. Two  elephants walk off a cliff...boom,  boom!

16.  What do you call a fish with no eyes? A  fsh.

17..  So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says  to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure,  you look great, the world's your oyster, go for  it..'

18. Apparently,  1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are  5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.  It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother  Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.  But  I think it's Colin.

19. Two  fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your  round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat  ba**rd!'

20.  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was  drinking battery acid, and the other was eating  fireworks. They charged one and let the other one  off.

21. 'You  know, somebody actually complimented me on my  driving today. They left a little note on the  windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was  nice.'

22.  A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt  my arm in several places'
The doctor said,  'Well don't go there  anymore'

23..  Ireland 's  worst air disaster occurred early this morning  when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into  a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have  recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that  number to climb as digging continues into the  night.

thebigshed

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2012, 08:08:04 PM »
conjunctivitus.com

That's a site for sore eyes.

Neil Smith

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2012, 06:05:45 PM »
A Geordie goes into see his Doctor,

Geardie:Doctor I feel like a coconut.

Doctor:Bounty

Harry

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #15 on: February 04, 2012, 12:51:45 PM »
Post overwritten - Harry  (Just thought I'd save the moderators a job)

sgk

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2012, 10:18:20 PM »
Welcome to Celebrity Ready Steady Cook.

So Anthony, you had £5 to spend...what's in your bag?

"Organic chicken, langoustines, rice, stock, wine, scallops, onions, garlic, stilton, brie, goats-cheese and 3 bottles of Cava and a bottle of Blue Nun and I have £2.74 left over".

Cyberman

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #13 on: January 13, 2012, 09:56:24 PM »
Worral Thompson isn't the only celebrity with light fingers - Jonathan Ross was caught stealing a kitchen utensil from Homebase. When questioned, he said that it was a whisk worth taking.

Sorry....

alan@marple

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2012, 04:11:09 PM »
Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting milk, yeast and flour from his local Tesco. He's run out of dough.

Off the internet
I went to see Ready Steady Cook the other day. It was fantastic. Antony Worrall Thompson absolutely stole the show.
 
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed up Worrall Thompson's jacket.
 
 
 
There's no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're using the Worrall Thompson recipe book.
 
Antony Worrall Thompson stole some cheese and wine. And that was only for starters.
 
Wozza was caught stealing cheese from Tesco. He should have done it more Caerphilly.
 
I don't care what he's done, I'm still hanging on to my Antony Worrall Thompson blender. Better the Breville you know
 
Asked how he feels about stealing cheese, Antony Worrall Thompson admits it wasn't very mature.


alan@marple

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2012, 02:34:03 PM »
Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting milk, yeast and flour from his local Tesco. He's run out of dough.

Off the internet

amazon

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2012, 01:40:57 PM »
.
Go on to hot uk deals and look for Anthony worrel section it's a scream


Harry

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2012, 11:22:26 AM »
.



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bat man

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2011, 04:12:32 PM »
When Jesus was born they said he was in a stable condition.....start the car......

alan@marple

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2011, 06:48:07 PM »
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard I know?

alan@marple

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2011, 06:46:49 PM »
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Budapest.
Budapest who?
You're nothing Budapest.

bat man

  • Guest
Re: Well I think it's funny
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2011, 01:33:06 PM »
My dog has no nose.

How does he smell.

Awfull

        Tommy Cooper.......