CO-OP

[alan@marple]

One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing rod for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking rod and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, "I am blind but if you give me the rod I can tell how much it is by the weight."

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth £45." She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice rod, hands it to the man and he says, "This pole is worth £55." she decided that was also really cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking rod in the place and handed it to the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is £70." she told him that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing rod all rung up, she had to poop really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to £80."

Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing rod was only £70."

He said, "It is. Its £70 for the fishing rodand£10 for the duck call."  

[Rachael]

I give up    

not give it a go!!

[Howard]

You see, that's my point. Why should it be gross? Everyone does it, even the Queen. In fact, here's a joke for you.

The Queen is being shown around some stables. As she walks past a horse, it lets rip with a huge fart. The owner of the stables stammers, "Ma'am - I'm terribly sorry". "Never mind," says the Queen. "In fact, I though it was the horse."

Hold your head up high, and let it go...

[Rachael]

Howard that is totaly gross!!!!!

I could follow your advice, but its not very lady like!!

good one howard, made me giggle  '>

[Howard]

Alan,

This is an easy one. If you feel the need to fart in public, the best way is to stand up, raise one leg off the gound and force it out as loudly as possible. As soon as you have done it, strike your fingers against something, in imitation of a tuning fork, pretend to listen to them and loudly proclaim "that was a b flat!". Immediately afterwards you can ask the other inhabitants of the area to rate your fart for volume, duration and smell.  Keep a running score and the winner can either get a small prize, or the satisfaction of having trumped (pun intended) all other attempts.

For burping, I would suggest that large quantities of carbonated drinks are consumed. This will give you the ability to burp almost continuously. With practice you should be able to burp "Three Blind Mice" and have other people name the tune. If you are more patriotic, I would suggest "God Save the Queen" as "Land of Hope and Glory" tends to cause significant discomfort to the digestive system.

I find this robust and open approach to expelling your bodily gases will immediately show you who has a sense of humour and who doesn't. This is because, as all eight-year olds know, farting and burping are the funniest things in the whole world. In fact, developing the abilities described above will earn you the undying respect (and in some cases awe) of small children. If you are extremely gifted, they will wait outside your house and follow you around hoping for public demonstrations.

Don't be ashamed of your bodily functions. Be proud.

[alan@marple]

How courteous of Harry to apologise for inadvertently causing offence to some.

However I feel that I must make one comment concerning personal hygiene.

Some  folk tend to perspire profusely and the resultant bacteria especially from underarms does tend to give off an unpleasant odour, often unnoticed by the issuer.

It has to be said that this can be quite unpleasant for others.

I do my utmost not to cause offence or embarrassment to other by ensuring that my "pits" are well washed and deodorised and I would hope that my "best Friends" would tell me if I was causing offence.

However I do seem to have a personal problem and I wonder if anyone can give me a cure for burping and trumping '>

Many apologies for a badly thought out posting. More tongue in cheek than venomous. Sorry for being so emotive.

[Marplian]

Oh by the way, dearest Harry you say staff need to use hygenic products yet your denying it's deodrant they need!?! Just out of interest what hygenic products is it that we need?
Oh and coming from many mature people who have read your comments 'Your a shame to our community'
I for one don't want to work amongst customers like you, im sure the gang in the Co-op would prefer it if you took your money else where!

[Marplian]

In reference to Mr Woodford, I have no respect for people who judge people on their apperance and more pathetically the way they smell!!
The car park attendants who 'need ritalin' happen to be very genuine down to earth people. The reason for their behaviour isn't because they rely on a drug, BUT because something terrible happened in their lives and it affected them long term. Mentioning no names. Im not impressed with your shallow, narrow-minded and stuck-up opinions on people who are less fortunate than yourself. I invite you into my workplace  so you can tell these people to their faces just what you think of them as individuals. I think your very brave for using the internet to express your cruel opinions which don't allow these 'drug dependant, illiterate' staff to stick up for themselves! Your rude attitude more than likely reflects in the way you express yourself to people, which im quessing is why you get the response you do off my collegues.

no i've not smelt body odour on the staff, i just presumed that was your refernce to hygiene products.
it does sound like you are saying the sort of people you are describing have no place in the co-op.
I do not have a problem with staff, customers, building etc etc...      you might if so and it upsets you so much then just don't go in, there are lots of other shops you can go into, but i'm sure you will come across the same kind of people wherever you go. We are all human beings and we come in all shapes and sizes, smells and all!  Happy shopping!  '>

"Body odour is a problem to some, does that mean they can't work?
Some people might have medical problems does that mean they too can't work?"

What a brilliant 'Jerry Springer' style reply! Are you really trying to infer that i want all people with medical problems to remain unemployed at home? Self hygiene products cover a range of items, you mentioned body odour! Have you smelt any in the store?
Is it true that there is nothing at all liberal about a Liberal, i find them most judgemental?
And low wages don't give employees the right to be slovenly and unkempt.

[orangewhip]

Now then.  The Co-Op is certainly the most expensive supermarket in the area, reflecting the gentrification of the area, it's position as an affluent semi-rural idyll.  But just be glad that Co-Op is pretty ethical compared with your savage, high street munching pits of hell like Asda. Tesco and Sainsburys.  As for the staff, the gang in the Co-Op are alright, considering the miserly wages they receive.  If you've got a problem with the place then don't shop there.  Or get your mum to go to Iceland.   '>

I think thats a bit mean myself!
No one is perfect.
Body odour is a problem to some, does that mean they can't work?
Some people might have medical problems does that mean they too can't work?
Those who sit and judge need to do something with their spare time!
I shop in the co-op and do not have a problem with the staff or the store.

Being a regular user of our local 'ethical' store i have a few things i would like to see changed.
1. Shelves always stocked fully.
2. Staff to use more self hygiene products.
3. Manager to employ literate/numerate staff without attitude
4. Non growling/oggling security staff
5. Car park staff who do not need ritalin

Other than that i like the place.
Any bugbears from other Marple residents?
Harry