We have just learnt via our
contacts at SMBC that Dan Bank is to close today for an indefinite period.
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Concerned council officials,
who feel that the people of Marple must be made aware of the problem so that
they can make alternative travel arrangements for their own safety, have leaked
this information to us before the formal public announcement.
Council sources have advised
that following the recent installation of Seismic Measurement Tubes (SMT’s)
along the bank, the test results have shown that the road is in danger of
immediate collapse.
As most of you will know, Dan
Bank has been underpinned several times in recent years in attempts to counter
the damage caused by heavy traffic. The SMT’s were installed following the
reoccurrence of longitudinal cracks in the road surface earlier this year. They
record the intensity of vibrations transmitted by vehicles as they pass over the
road surface and the results have been much more severe than the specialist
engineers expected, causing the need for emergency closure plans to be put into
place.
In view of this information we
recommend that even before the roadblocks are erected later this morning, you
use an alternative route to Dan Bank to get in and out of Marple.
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One of the Seismic Measurement
Tubes installed on Dan Bank
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At present the council cannot
give a realistic forecast as to how long the road will need to be closed but
'insiders' have said that the disruption that it will cause is likely have a
substantial impact on the people of Marple, even to the extent of dramatic
reductions in house prices. Our informant also advised that because of the
difficulties this would cause to commuters and the likely impact on property
values and local business, the council will be meeting in an emergency session early next week to
discuss a substantial reduction in Council Tax for anyone who is effected by the
closure.
Ok
folks, sorry, have to confess that this was an April Fool Hoax.
If
you'd used the What's New page to get here or checked the source data (right
click & View Source) for the page the title and description would have given
it away.
The
final paragraph was also intended to give you a clue - even if the rest were
true I'm sure we wouldn't get a Council Tax refund!
Having
said all that, what are those blue tubes for? The hoax wasn't so elaborate that
I put them there and I suspect that their purpose is to monitor the bank's
subsidence, which although not as dramatic as I made out does still seem to be a
problem. Perhaps there's a element of prophesy in this tall tale?
Mark
- 12.15 pm 1st April 2006